After we published an article about the benefits that Jiu-Jitsu provides to those who train it, Mrs. Willis (real name and surname known to the editorial) contacted us with her sad story about Jiu-Jitsu and addiction. Mrs. Willis told us how her ex-husband left her and their children to devote more time to Jiu-Jitsu.
We hereby transmit her email to you in full, respecting the privacy of the lady in question.
My name is “Mrs. Willis” (real name and surname known to the editorial). Wife of 18 years. Two children girls 18 and 12. No one seems to talk about what the obsession destroys. You people are insane!
My husband left me and his children to devote more time to Jiu-Jitsu. He does not co-parent with me.
We lived in the basement and cheated on me with some b**ch from the mats. He left me to do all the remote learning while my mother has emphysema. And did it matter that it was during a pandemic? No! He became mean withdrawn lied his a** off withheld money so he could pay for classes.
I stayed home with the kids. He works a night job. So anytime he has isn’t for his family it is for this f***ed sport of Jiu-Jitsu.
So, not only I am left to help aging parents and two kids. Because of the abandonment, my eldest daughter dropped out of high school and was suicidal and my 11-year-old daughter started to cut herself.
Where was my husband? He was on a mat having a fling as well.
In January 2021 I finally threw him out of the house. I found out how much money he was spending on this sport and the condoms he had in his car.
Let’s fast forward to now. He takes every Saturday not with his children teaching children jujitsu so he can have free classes….
He devoted maybe every other Saturday night to his kids. I have no help in getting kids to appointments with school stuff and he expects me to find a job. His mom is dead and he’s his only concern. He lives in a rat hole above his friend’s garage. He has missed birthdays, school events holidays, and everything else related to kids. Doesn’t matter. He has every right to do this.
My children hate their father now. I hate him too because he allowed this obsession to take over him. He has become a cold cruel liar. I will at some point destroy him in court.
So nobody talks about the real dark side of BJJ do they? I almost lost my children to suicide. Where was he? So excuse me if I think this sport is nothing but a f***ing drug addiction that spins out of control. I had no idea how f***ed this would truly become.
He only keeps two non-jiujitsu friends.
He was buying $60 gi when I hardly had any money for food.
What he has spent on this sport my children don’t have a lot… they have me and I do my best. They have my attention and trust I will never leave them for anything.
In our case, it’s not till death do you part. It is “till Jiu-Jitsu do you part”.
He was out two weeks from work once and tried to bullshit me and tell me it was a work injury. He had been hitting the mats in am and pm on days off. I had to help on and off the toilet. He has worked at Texas Instruments for 16 years! Not once did I ever have to help him to use the toilet!!! I knew! 1200$ to get his cauliflower ear drained….
We are due for a bitter nasty divorce and all in the name of BJJ.
I hope to God there are not many out there who have suffered like my children and I have.
I read Anthony Bourdain’s blog on jujitsu. Jesus! He became an addictive animal. What ended it?
I see my future ex going down that rabbit hole too. He was willing to throw away his wife and kids for it.
This situation is not a joke! This sport takes lives away.
How do I know?
I’m living proof! Wasn’t hugs anymore it was chokeholds.
It wasn’t pictures of the kids on his media feed it was BJJ.
All of his clothes are now BJJ clothing.
What’s even worse he didn’t pay his student loans instead used the money to pay for BJJ. So imagine my nightmare opening up the mail and the threat of wage garnish.
I don’t own a car. We bought a house in the summer of 2020 and he’s threatening to not pay the mortgage. Affairs to BJJ obsession when my children have had enough failures and all from a guy who said f**k it I’m sinking into this and f**k everything else.
I’m sure his job will go next. May be due to injury or job performance.
So the dark side of Jiu-Jitsu is real. Take it from a housewife from Maine who never got a choice. My hope is you recognize that this obsession destroys Marriages and children. I hope you all know that.
Well, what to say on this to justify anything this woman is going through because of Jiu-Jitsu and her ex-husband’s obsession with it? Simply nothing, because no matter how much you enjoy Jiu-Jitsu when it comes to choosing between Jiu-Jitsu and your family there’s only one and simple choice, family.
While we don’t know the other side of the story, and we probably never will, the things are not always black and white.
Maybe these people were in some problems even before Jiu-Jitsu. Maybe the reason for something like this lies in something completely different than what we’re presented here because today more than 30% of marriages fall apart because of different reasons. Maybe this woman had ZERO understanding for her husband being involved in any kind of activity outside his job and family. We can’t know that so we can’t judge the situation according to only one side of the story.
But no matter the real reasons behind this situation and similar ones, finding a balance between Jiu-Jitsu, family, friends, and everything that we find normal in our lives should be a priority for every BJJ practitioner. Making compromises for the benefit of you, your wishes and your loved ones is always the best thing to do.