- A Reddit user going by Kris posted a text exchange with his BJJ coach after canceling his BJJ membership for a month due to a busy schedule
- The coach called it “disrespectful” and launched into a lengthy personal monologue about paying dues through a broken neck and driving 100 miles daily
- The coach insisted the issue was “about principle, not money” while refusing to discuss the situation further
- The BJJ community overwhelmingly sided with the student, calling the response manipulative and unprofessional
- The thread has drawn attention across the sport, with many urging Kris to find a new gym
BJJ Coach Guilt Trips Student: The Text Exchange
Kris had been training at the gym for three years, paying around $130 per month during his active months with a $150 reinstatement fee each time he returned from a break. His training pattern was consistent — eight months on, two months off, twice a year — and as far as he understood, the arrangement was acceptable.
But when he reached out to let his coach know he needed to step away temporarily, the response was immediate and confrontational.
“You are obviously missing something, Kris, it doesn’t work like that. And it is beyond disrespectful, just to clarify. You are either a member or you are not a member.”
– The coach’s text response –
Kris appeared genuinely taken aback. He explained that he had canceled memberships before when going on extended trips and had no idea this was considered problematic. He kept his tone measured and polite throughout the exchange.
“I thought the flexibility was okay, like you pay when you can go. Again, not trying to be malicious or anything.”
– Kris, the student –
“It’s The Martial Way” — The Coach’s Extended Response
Rather than clarifying the gym’s policy calmly, the coach launched into an extended personal monologue about his own sacrifices.
He described training for 17 years at $150 a month, continuing to pay dues through a year-long recovery from a broken neck, training through 2021, and making 100-mile daily trips to his academy. He noted that he paid his instructor even after being told he didn’t need to, because he was teaching at the school.
“I paid dearly for my education.”
– The coach –
He then compared Kris’s situation to a teacher getting paid less every time a student went on vacation and closed with the line: “It is the martial way.”
Despite the emotional nature of the response, the coach insisted the conversation had nothing to do with money.
“I promise you, this is not about money. It’s about principle.”
– The coach –
He added that he and the co-owner “charge enough to pay our staff and the rent” and “hardly take a paycheck ourselves.”
Kris offered to come by the gym on Thursday to discuss the situation in person. The coach’s reply was brief and dismissive.
“I’m around anytime. There’s really nothing to chat about though. Now you know.”
– The coach –
The BJJ Community Weighs In
After posting the BJJ coach guilt trips student exchange, the Reddit thread received an overwhelmingly critical response directed at the coach’s approach. Commenters pointed out that guilt-tripping a student over a temporary pause was unprofessional behavior that reflects poorly on the gym, not the Jiu-Jitsu student.
“Find a new gym. That person is a douche,” one top comment read. Another responded: “S**tty communication and guilt-tripping. Leave.”
Multiple commenters noted that the coach’s response — framing a routine membership pause as disrespectful and a breach of “the martial way” — revealed more about the instructor’s entitlement than any genuine policy concern.
Others pointed out that the coach’s personal sacrifices, however real they may be, are not a valid reason to pressure a student into continuous membership.
Several gym owners also weighed in, noting that this approach is a fast way to lose members and damage a gym’s reputation.
The general consensus: Kris handled the situation with more grace than his coach deserved, and he should find a gym that treats students like partners in their training journey, not revenue streams.
BJJ Gym Culture is Becoming Crazier by the Day
Another day, another BJJ coach guilt trips student story. This one has resonated because it touches on a tension that exists in many martial arts schools. Coaches invest heavily in their own training and often run gyms on thin margins, which can create an understandable sensitivity around membership cancellations.
But the line between communicating a policy and guilt-tripping a student is one that every instructor needs to know.
The most concerning aspect of this exchange is not the coach’s frustration — it’s the refusal to engage. When Kris offered to discuss the matter in person, the coach shut the conversation down entirely.
“There’s really nothing to chat about though. Now you know.” That response transforms a potentially resolvable misunderstanding into an ultimatum.
For students reading this, the lesson is clear: a gym that treats a temporary pause as a personal betrayal is probably not a gym worth returning to. For coaches, it’s a reminder that the student-coach relationship is built on trust and respect, and that no amount of personal sacrifice entitles you to demand loyalty from paying members.
